In case you've never seen a professional chess match, here's how it works -
The players sit in their chairs across a table with a bunch of pieces (these pieces are important later in the story).
The players start touching their pieces and moving them out onto the board, one by one..
So far so good.
While they're analyzing the board and thinking of what move to make, they're also touching their face. They run their hand through their hair, they rub their nose, they scratch themselves, they pick their nasty necks. Then they touch their pieces more.
After a few hours, their pieces are thoroughly coated in a film of whatever nasty crap they've etched off themselves in the last 2 hours. But the thing is - it's their dead skin on their own pieces, so it's not the most disgusting thing ever, right?
Wrong. At this point in the game, they start touching their opponents pieces, which are now covered in every manner of their opponents dead skin cells, oils, snot bile, etc from their opponents gross itchy face.
Now each player's hands are covered with not only their skin waste, but their opponent's too. But it doesn't end there.
For the remaining several hours of the match (professional chess games are hours long), each player continues to rub their face, scratch their nose, and rub their hands through their hair, now distributing their opponents dead skin and mites into the open spots that they pulled their dead skin and mites from.
The whole thing is absolutely gross and I can't stand to watch two minutes of it.
And of course, at the end of the match, they consumate their nasty 6-hour fluid exchange with a stern hand shake.
Obviously nobody notices what's going on here. But I'm a good sumeritan, I fix public health problems where I see them.
So I'm starting a new go-fund-me. It's called the "Gambit Guard." It is a cone that sits gently around the neck, preventing hands from touching the face, hair, and neck.
Pre-order starts tomorrow.
Magnus and either Botez sister get 20% off (use ZOUKLASVEGAS as promo code).
All orders come with a free commercial size squirter of hand sanitizer.
Also here's AI's attempt at rendering the gambit guard. Eh I like mine better.
No, Caruana does not get 20% off unless he says something actually funny.
